Ahoy! The decline of pirates in the world is the cause of the increasing of natural disasters! Or at least that is what you would believe if you were a Pastafarian!

this old internet stuff is crazy. i really like the idea. Want to create my own, and put a lot of stuff here. i have come up with some plans and already have made some things work. but there is a lot to be done.

this raises a questions tho. motivation. how do i keep going? i've checked some websites. some people have them for years, and yet are starting to get lazy/unmotived to do the things they aways did.

i fear this will be another dead endeavor

i have, as any other, a number of unfinished projects. biggest problem, of course, motivation. I have been accumulating two parallel feelings towords productivity on the internet. i say "accumulating" more like a infected wound thats bloating. like a desease that eroded my digital self to almost desapearence. First is a emotional denial of the desire to monetize myself in every aspect that sugests profit. the way in which we transformed the internet from a space of interaction to a space of business, in a eternal dispute for attention and money, transforming ourselves in a version cathered to a specific demographic, eying for a specific sale, and using specific methods of growth, is something that triggers a gutural response in me. "hate it". "i hate this. hate what these persons are doing" "not giving you my money or time" and yet i know most of these are desperate atempts into financial success under a system that will squeeze everything out of anyone that needs to eat and have a roof over their heads. the second feeling that harasses me is of *being late*. late to the business. even if i swallow my despise and start to work towards a digital brand, im late. the eyes i desire are looking somewherelse. the ears i intend to sweetalk are already being whispered by older, better conceptualized and executed digital brands, that carved out their place. what i make will be weak, poorly constructed, with small following, unsufficient economic returns. *Late* but then came neocities. a renassaince of the digital self. absolute creativity and no monetization. a social media free of the constraints of consuming algorithms. its a journey inwards, not outwords, in the direction of someone's pocket. its actually so inwards that some of the websites dont even feel like they were meant for a visitor, but to the creator themselves. like they are tolareting the visits. and i feel the greatest pieces of art were made like this. not for others. for self.

I still gonna update this website, but im playing way too much Palia to do so in a timely manner.

Palia. one of the childs of another renassaince: the farming games. these games were believed to be lost to the time, being remembered as the rare instances of ps1's Havest moon or facebook's side games such as Happy Farm. All of that changed when a single indie dev decided to make his own, and rebirth a entire category of games. Stardew valley now is one of the biggest indie successes and created a entire genre of cozy social and farming simulators. i argue that the huge acceptance that Stardew Valley had from the intended market relies on the combination of a good gameplay with a sistematic anti-capitalist ideology.

the game doesnt shy away from its ideology. the literal starting point to the game is the arrival of an external force that forces the main character into leaving his socio-economical and psychologial prison created by capitalism (also known as working a office job. or any boring-not-good-pay job). In the first minutes of the game, we already are bewitched by the dream of receiving as heirloom from a relative, a farm thats profitable throught a meaninful work-life balance. thats the only way we can dream about it: arriving by a external force. And talking about profit, what a profit. being a game, you dont "worry" about making money. Instead you're *excited* about making money because you barely have to spend any of it to maintain your survival and instead can reaply it into growing your farm indefinetly. It is paradoxally, a capitalist dream inside of a anti-capitalist game. This, however, is a very old phenomon in the gaming scene. Specially the usage of money/currency as a means to represent, quantify and control growth and progress in games. It is as good as leveling up in RPG games in terms of mechanics and better in terms of introducing new players on how things work. *Every* new player will understand immediately that: "if there is a money count, its meant to go UP"

A second (and even less discreet) ideological message against capitalism was the idea to embody it into the competitive and destructive Jojo company. The company stands in the game as a cold and distant means to unlock new areas and new features that are otherwise unlocked through means based in community efforts and inter-personal developtments with the neighbors. Instead of engaging with the variety of mechanics that the game offer to unlock these features, you can simply make a lot of money and pay the company to do it, themselves influenced by their own financial agenda in the valley. Needless to say, the player is completely disencouraged from picking this "route". It is meant to be there, but *not* to be used in a meaningful playthrough.

In the end, tho, making money is still one of the main goals of the game. That means that infinite growth is not a problem. What stands as a problem is a infinite growth that happens against the creation of meaningful connections with the enviroment and with the surounding people. The game's message is not revolutionizing by any mean, nor it tries to be. By only criticizing some aspects of capitalism, the game doesnt want its destruction and replacement by a fairer sistem, it only wants its *correction*. And criticizing capitalism without REALLY criticizing capitalism is how you win the heart of millions of people and reagnite an entire genre of videogames.

And this is where most of the farming simulator games stand today. Even Palia. Most of them create a setting in which being a farmer is somehow an act against the status quo. The return to nature stands against capitalim's sacralization of metal and stone: our tall buildings are a phisical represetation of how far we deviated from our "natural" state. Our hubris displaced us from the "enviroment". In Palia itself, the entire human race and its super technology has literally died out long ago and now the main character stands with the nice people with the meaningful work ethics.

in the end we all want to quit boring jobs and have a positive bank account along with the time to make meaningful conections with people and marry Harvey. thats why the entire genre of cozy farming is so successful now. we all want to marry Harvey- No, wait

(my nickname in Palia is almablanca17, add me)

Adding all my writted roleplay playthroughts of Skyrim has made me wanna play the game again and now i am playing Palia and Skyrim!

This is not good. i need time for this website. i only managed to update it because work happens to be slow these days. That brings me to a even worse situation. I have a game to make. This game, and being a game developer is what i consider my plan B in case i wanna leave my job or my job wanna leave me. But i need to be slowing building on my knowledge of Godot, which is not happening because instead of game develop i just wanna game. My current situation is the ideal one for working on this project.

What im gonna do? Marry a NPC in Skyrim, obviously.

Right after i complained about not having time, i got 2 weeks of absolutely slow work on my job, allowing me to play and work on this site

How life plays with us.

Our search is a search for balance. we all look for balance in all aspects of life. and this is another one of them. the dialetics of 2 discourses about life and productivity: "everyone has their own pace" and "you could die tomorrow, do what makes you happy today"

Sometimes i am really scared that i dont know how to live. i dont know how to do things that will make me happy. I've grown numb. Not unhappy. Numb. Passive. Just scrolling trought life like an endless instagram feed.