Miscellaneous

This is a little place about some friends i made online. make sure to visit the discord and twitch links, they cool people!

The Ten Pastafarian Codiments

The pirate Mosey droped two on his way down from the Salsa mountain, so its actally 8

The Eight I'd Really Rather You Didn'ts

I'd Really Rather You Didn't Act Like A Sanctimonious Holier-Than-Thou Ass When Describing My Noodly Goodness. If Some People Don't Believe In Me, That's Okay. Really, I'm Not That Vain. Besides, This Isn't About Them So Don't Change The Subject.

I'd Really Rather You Didn't Use My Existence As A Means To Oppress, Subjugate, Punish, Eviscerate, And/Or, You Know, Be Mean To Others. I Don't Require Sacrifices, And Purity Is For Drinking Water, Not People.

I'd Really Rather You Didn't Judge People For The Way They Look, Or How They Dress, Or The Way They Talk, Or, Well, Just Play Nice, Okay? Oh, And Get This Through You Thick Heads: Woman=Person, Man=Person. Samey-Samey. One is Not Better Than The Other, Unless We're Talking About Fashion And I'm Sorry, But I Gave That To Women And Some Guys Who Know The Difference Between Teal And Fuchsia.

I'd Really Rather You Didn't Indulge In Conduct That Offends Yourself, Or Your Willing, Consenting Partner Of Legal Age AND Mental Maturity. As For Anyone Who Might Object, I Think The Expression Is Go F*** Yourself, Unless They Find That Offensive In Which Case They Can Turn Off The TV For Once And Go For A Walk For A Change.

I'd Really Rather You Didn't Challenge The Bigoted, Misogynist, Hateful Ideas Of Others On An Empty Stomach. Eat, Then Go After The B*******.

I'd Really Rather You Didn't Build multi million-Dollar Churches/Temples/Mosques/ Shrines To My Noodly Goodness When The Money Could Be Better Spent (Take Your Pick): A. Ending Poverty B. Curing Diseases C. Living In Peace, Loving With Passion, And Lowering The Cost Of Cable. I Might Be A Complex Carbohydrate Omniscient Being, But I Enjoy The Simple Things In Life. I Ought To Know. I AM The Creator.

I'd Really Rather You Didn't Go around Telling People I Talk To you. You're Not That Interesting. Get Over Yourself. And I Told You To Love Your Fellow Man, Can't You Take A Hint?

I'd Really Rather You Didn't Do Unto Others As You Would Have Them Do Unto You If You Are Into, Um, Stuff That Uses Alot Of Leather/Lubrication/Las Vegas. If The Other Person Is Into It However (Pursuant To #4), Then Have At It, Take Pictures, And For The Love Of Mike, Wear A CONDOM! Honestly It's A Piece Of Rubber, If I Didn't Want It To Feel Good When You Did It I Would Have Added Spikes, Or Something.

and this is some artwork im been doing

The old man woke up in the same bed he had slept in for the last thirty years of his life. It took him a while to get up. He took another look at the cracks that filled the walls of his room. He was certain that some parts could collapse at any moment. The thought always crossed his mind. Although he was approaching 80, he saw no sign of ruin in his own body. Only the aches and pains common to age bothered him. But he could take care of himself. He had to be able to, because he was the last one left. His footsteps were the only ones heard in those long corridors for many years. The other brothers were gone. Young people had given up hope of ever meeting the goddess again. Others decided that their oath no longer had a place after what had happened. Most simply returned home. The oldest, the wisest on the path of the great tree, stayed. And time passed, leaving only one last elder. His duty to the order and to his dead brothers kept him there. He was no fool. He knew the goddess was gone. His prayers, ignored. He looked after the place as best he could. He swept up the leaves that invaded the entrance. He opened the windows of the stuffy study rooms, once filled with energetic young people. From time to time he would light the fireplace in the main hall and reminisce about the old days. Time passed and he wondered about his deserting brothers. Had they been left in the lurch? Had they been taken in by their relatives, who still had respect for the order of the Crystal Leaf? Or had they found a common trade to support themselves? Many gave part of themselves to the goddess as part of the Order's path. Those who only gave up the taste of food or drink, and other pleasures of the flesh, would have no problems. But what about the blind? How would they get work? The bedridden couldn't even move, and only a few managed to return home, sending word to their families.

The fact is that the damned wizard stole everyone's life that day. All the brothers of the order died while the tree burned. It turns out that someone forgot to warn their bodies, which were still active. The wizard hadn't even explained why he had destroyed that goddess, that community and their faith. He simply walked among the ashes of the great tree and then left. All these thoughts go round and round in the mind of the old man, who wakes up every day in the same bed. Right under a cracked wall, with moss that he knew by heart. Nothing different from the rest of the sanctuary. He did enjoy a few small pleasures, though: the fresh air of Primareva. The abundant fruit, even in winter, feeding on the reminiscences of divine power in the soil. seeing a room clean again after great effort. In a way, he even liked his new life. After years of thinking about the order, his brothers, the goddess and the wizard, it never crossed the old man's mind that the wizard would return to those ruins on the tenth anniversary of their desolation. But it did.

At the end of the afternoon, after he had finished the tasks he had decided on for the day, he was resting in the outside atrium, sitting down. It was already that moment when the sky was rapidly changing color, darkening into orange, and the sun was drawing pictures in the distant clouds. That's when the old man heard that tremor. A tremor he had totally forgotten about, the one he had heard ten years before and which probably meant the arrival of the wizard by some arcane means of transport. his initial fear was quickly replaced by the tranquillity of knowing that this man could not take anything from him that he hadn't already taken. the resentment against him still burned, but the old man had learned to accept his new life. a scarlet cloak covered a large part of his body. The old man couldn't see it clearly in the center of the atrium, but he could feel the energy. -I didn't expect to find anyone here. -the intruder simply said. -Have you come to finish the job, young man? -Some towers are still standing. They say a redcoat doesn't leave tasks half done. - the man didn't reply. he looked around a bit. then he walked towards his host. he offered him his forearm, like a kind young man helping an old man to walk.

the old man realized that he had indeed failed to show hostility towards the visitor. Now, just as ten years ago, the wizard could easily kill him. hostility would be useless. He didn't ponder for long whether or not to accept the support offered. He accepted. He was curious to see where his executioner would take him, after all these years. -I imagine that even the life of an old man like me can still hold surprises. After walking for a while, he replied, distantly. -this must be the second time I've surprised you. I wouldn't bet on a lonely life within the walls of a ruin being full of surprises. the old man walked slowly, slowing down the wizard, who didn't seem to mind. But, in fact, the old man couldn't remember being surprised in any other circumstances in the last ten years. Even the return of his vision seemed... natural. Echoing in the wide corridors of the interior, the old man asked: -Young man, may I ask what you're doing here? What have you done? You really don't hate me, do you? I must say, I'm impressed by the teachings of the Order of the Crystal Leaf. That sincere compliment irritated the old man, but before he could say anything, the wizard took an object out of his cloak and handed it to him. When they were near one of the few torches the old man kept burning, he examined the object more calmly.

At first glance, it looked like a white sphere, the size of a human fist. But the touch revealed that, unlike the smooth curve, several small six-sided supercircles covered the object. It was like a beehive solidified in the shape of a ball, with identical, perfect geometric shapes. hexagons. continued walking and arrived at the wizard's destination. It was the same destination as ten years ago. The difference was that the corridor wasn't stained with blood and corpses, and the once imposing tree now lay in ashes. -“I don't understand,” confessed the old man. -"The artifact in your hands. You feel the power, don't you? Or rather, the rest of the power... - the wizard began to examine the ashes, pushing some aside, touching the charred branches, looking for something - this is what I found inside the tree. every time you took the oath, every ritual in which you sacrificed your sense of taste, your sight, the strength of your limbs, all your prayers and all your love, they didn't go to the tree, they went to this receiver. The tree just fed off the receiver and grew.

the object didn't weigh much in the old man's hands. In fact, it emanated something ancient, but many magical artifacts did that. what the wizard was saying didn't make sense. -nonsense! - he replied - the glorious chestnut tree has always been our goddess. she has guided us and loved us! -What I'm saying doesn't change any of that. Your Gaia exists. I'm just explaining the terms in which the energy transfer worked. -details pertinent to a magician! -cried the old man. - I wanted to throw the object away, but I stopped myself. -yes, pertinent indeed. After a while, he said: “I found the place where it was, give me the artifact.” The old man hesitated. He could feel a bit of divine energy in the thing. But the goddess was dead, the wizard had no intention of bringing her back to life or anything like that... How could an outsider know more about his order than he did? He was jealous of that villain's knowledge. -How can you know all this? - he threw the artifact at the wizard - who told you these things? the man left the object somewhere in the ashes and then stood up, looking seriously at the old man. it was a naked woman with watery hair who visited me in a dream. The wizard returned from the ashes and helped the old man to sit down, because, as he suspected, the old man was in shock. -to... our Lady? why would she do that? betray us like that? our beloved, Gaia, lady of the dancing leaves? Yes, she appears in dreams. Whether in the form of a young pregnant woman with greenish skin, or as a mature woman with watery hair... but no one knows this apart from the oldest, we don't write our faith down in tomes. there's no way you're lying... I don't understand. -I only know about receptacles and energies. I don't know about your philosophy or your faith. - he paused - what matters is that I used the receptacle. now it's empty. but even empty it still represents great potential. just thinking about the magnetude of the power it contained makes me wonder. If it falls into the wrong hands, it can be used to do unimaginable things. i know my type. that's why i came here looking for answers. i was lucky to find you, elder. we need to destroy the artifact and prevent it from being used by anyone else. -Destroy it? Why would I help you, wizard? Why would I do anything? - he didn't answer. the two of them remained there, in that dimly lit room, sitting on a bench, in silence. everything was happening too fast. surprises and revelations were not good for an old man. The goddess revealing herself to a stranger and thus causing the destruction of her own temple?

Deep down in his soul, the old man understood, however. He had understood from the moment he saw the symbol of another god, Nemesis, on the magician's cord. But it was hard to accept what it meant. He felt used, manipulated. in the end, he agreed to help the wizard. he knew how to do it. as part of the order's path, rituals for the destruction of relics of power had always been taught. when the order received artifacts, they were destroyed in such rituals and the energy absorbed by the tree - or rather - by the “receptacle”. "receptacle". but what would happen if the receptacle itself was destroyed? without being absorbed, where would that reminiscent energy go? waited for midnight to arrive. the old man marked the time with candles. the details of the ritual are customary, he himself had performed it twice. the wizard proved to be somewhat useful, however. -before we continue, let me confirm everything that is happening, young man. You, who ten years ago invaded this sacred ground and killed dozens of my brothers, set fire to our great tree, symbol of our devotion to Gaia of the spring winds, did so to capture the power of our prayers and our sacrifices - he paused - with the help and favor of our Goddess herself, used this power for some nefarious purpose, and now you return, wanting to destroy this artifact to prevent someone else from doing precisely what you have already done? -well... I object to the "nefarious purpose" part. with a disdainful grunt, which also turned into a cough, the old man began the ritual. the recitations were much faster than usual, in just two repetitions, the artifact was already unstable. some of the runes the old man had written weren't even necessary for a ritual of that level, and at the end of the incantation, the artifact's energies had completely dissipated. it was, in fact, empty. But the old man felt the divine energy traveling through his body, like a breeze. and he knew that all the old brothers who were still alive would feel it too. it would probably come back to the vision of some of them, and they would understand. as the old man did. the magician said goodbye, satisfied, and the old man confirmed that the tremor was indeed the opening of a portal. On the way to his room, he reviewed the day's events. More than that, he allowed himself to understand everything.

Nemes is the god of balance of a religion on the other side of the world. he is part of a pantheon, and all these gods are involved in a prophecy of the end of the world. many beliefs predict the end of the world, all men worry about how everything will end. But not all of them have come as close to coming true as this one. The old man remembers when the signs began to appear. They were clear even to the Order of the Crystal Leaf. The Scarlet Tower, the order of mages to which this villain apparently belonged, was also involved in this mess. with a disdainful grunt, which also turned into a cough, the old man began the ritual. the recitations were much faster than usual, in just two repetitions, the artifact was already unstable. some of the runes the old man had written weren't even necessary for a ritual of that level, and at the end of the incantation, the artifact's energies had completely dissipated. it was, in fact, empty. But the old man felt the divine energy traveling through his body, like a breeze. and he knew that all the old brothers who were still alive would feel it too. it would probably come back to the vision of some of them, and they would understand. as the old man did. the magician said goodbye, satisfied, and the old man confirmed that the tremor was indeed the opening of a portal. On the way to his room, he reviewed the day's events. More than that, he allowed himself to understand everything. Nemes is the god of balance of a religion on the other side of the world. he is part of a pantheon, and all these gods are involved in a prophecy of the end of the world. many beliefs predict the end of the world, all men worry about how everything will end. But not all of them have come as close to coming true as this one. The old man remembers when the signs began to appear. They were clear even to the Order of the Crystal Leaf. The Scarlet Tower, the order of mages to which this villain apparently belonged, was also involved in this mess.